


i hate him, petty

by empaten02



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Consensual Kink, Drinking, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Play Fighting, Roommates, Some Plot, Strangers to Lovers, They're just petty, a bit of angst, a bit of choking kink, jaemjen - Freeform, omg they were roommates, this is plotless if you look closely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:27:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28883148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empaten02/pseuds/empaten02
Summary: Na Jaemin likes large spaces, where nothing and no one is allowed to contain or define him in a box, nor give him only one route for his life choices to settle. Jeno likes order, everything neat and follows very specific schedules hanging on the wall right next to his bed. Lee Jeno settles emotions, daily tasks and feelings for people in his calculated timelines.Jeno settles to despise Jaemin since the very first day, in their crumpled university apartment they ended up sharing merely for a slip of fate.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 166





	i hate him, petty

**Author's Note:**

> hi!
> 
> i wrote this messy plot (what plot there's no plot) of jaemjen enemies to lovers merely to take a break from my chaptered fic...
> 
> i'm not sure this is quality content but i hope you'll enjoy <3

Na Jaemin likes large spaces, where nothing and no one is allowed to contain or define him in a box, nor give him only one route for his life choices to settle. Jeno likes order, everything neat and follows very specific schedules hanging on the wall right next to his bed. Lee Jeno settles emotions, daily tasks and feelings for people in his calculated timelines.

Jeno settles to despise Jaemin since the very first day, in their crumpled university apartment they ended up sharing merely for a slip of fate. Three years spent together, where everyone was too curious to know how they still don’t get along. Jaemin always shrugs his shoulders, now more carelessly when they’ll soon be over with their faculties and Jeno will turn to a fond - albeit the petty fights - memory.

To a wider extent, they’re not in such dramatic terms. It easily slips out of his tongue, saying Jeno hates him and they’re still acquaintances after three years of sharing the same space as him - and what a space it is. 

Small, a shoebox of an apartment. One larger bedroom to share with single beds at each side of the room, a bathroom so narrow they hit bones against furniture getting livid skin most days, and a kitchen with the tiniest space for a couch that is supposed to be a living room pressed against the walls left to live in.

They really didn’t have much of a choice, and if Jaemin is honest he kind of agreed anyway back in his first year solely because Jeno is very good looking . He thought a shitty apartment could be bearable with muscles, sharp features and bright blue hair welcoming him daily but things didn’t really go as planned.

Jaemin is not even sure when their feud started. Jeno, for starters, never really helped their case. He’s set walls so high behind those glasses sliding through the smooth slope of his nose Jaemin never can tell what’s on his mind. And he knows Jeno can get quite soft, spotting him clinging to Mark - a common friend but they never really hang out all together, and holding hands with Donghyuck.

He also knows Jeno and Mark have some sort of special friendship, well, he’s seen and heard most of it so it probably doesn’t count as something Jeno directly told him. When his friends mention Jeno, everyone always has a good word to say and it’s almost frustrating the way Jaemin (literally the dude that lives with him, as Mark says) doesn’t see any of the cute antics mentioned.

So the most satisfying piece of information came around their second year, when Renjun on a drunk night slip up confessed Jeno told him he finds Jaemin hot but insufferable. That was only the ruinous start of their pettiness, heating up the apartment and for many different reasons than the small space they have.

Jaemin loves to tease, more or less, sharing cheeky words or flustering his friends with all details about their lives he can allow to joke around. And it was fun at first making out with someone on the couch while Jeno was around and saying flustering things that had Jeno give him a second look, very fun until he brought back his stone cold face and that sparkle died.

They do talk, it would be absurd not to when they live together. Jaemin has a fair share of all the superficial belonging to who Jeno is. That he likes tea better than coffee, the way he overeats before exams when he’s studying but also disappears in the gym for hours, how lifeless he is in the morning and despite that he’s still a morning person and wakes up earlier than Jaemin on weekends. How his cooking skills need improvement but he’d only occasionally give up making his own meals when Jaemin suffers to see just the way he holds the knife dangerously to cut food. Jeno is a lot better than him to fold clothes and does the laundry for both of them.

In the mess of avoiding bonding time, they still compensate the other to the point of living fine for two years without much trouble.

This isn’t really anything that made them closer, they’re all courtesies. Since the first day. Jaemin has a hard time to address Lee Jeno as other than his roommate whenever his parents ask about him when he occasionally comes back home for the holidays, because Jeno isn’t his friend.

“Do something”. One of his classmates says under her long mascara lashes, brown hair falling on the sheets where Jaemin is kissing her neck, not doing anything other than squeezing a palm on her chest. She’s sweet, her voice is sweet when it gets breathy and Jaemin found company in her already a few times. 

Jaemin thinks he’s pretty much a kind person, and that’s the popular opinion around campus. He might be charming, sleep with too many people and never really cares about having a relationship but he’s never been an asshole or rude to anyone.

Also, whoever fools with him already agrees on getting Jaemin only for what he offers. Fun, he guarantees a very good time but in all honesty, Jaemin sees endless possibilities in people and he has to explore them, and for now he can confidently admit he didn’t find the one and probably never will. He’s not against relationships and until he doesn’t get in one he can soak whoever gets under him.

She’s quite impatient today, which gives Jaemin more reasons to take it slow, hand trailing down just pressing his fingers between her legs, squirming in her tight jeans. 

“But we have so much time”. Jaemin’s smile is wider at the annoyed huff, she’s just playing along. He leans in to kiss her when the door opens, oversized hoodie and thick glasses in sight. 

Jaemin rolls his eyes, watching Jeno silently and at the same time frustratingly loud moving his duvet and taking place in his bed on the other side of the room. He takes out a book and doesn’t even spare a glance their way. 

Jaemin clears his throat, watching his classmate’s eyes slightly confused when she also looks over Jeno. Of course he saw them, and that’s the whole point. Jeno does it often recently, disturbing him from his hookups when Jaemin makes the courtesy to at least wait in their kitchen or leave when Jeno is busy.

Jeno is just taking revenge for the last time, aware Mark two days ago came over for Jeno but Jaemin roped him into a long conversation just to annoy him and he already anticipates Jeno won’t leave the room anytime soon. Jaemin clears his throat again, louder, and Jeno looks up faking naivety. He’s really good at that. 

“Oh”. He raises his eyebrows, his good looking smile spreading over his small victory. “Hi Dahye, didn’t see you for a moment”.

“Okay”. Jaemin sighs with a smile, trying to contain any nasty words and fixing the girl’s hair to cover up her hickeys. “Another time?”.

She narrows her eyes in a funny expression between the two boys before getting up from the bed and saying her goodbyes. Jaemin makes sure to text his apologies and find an excuse to Jeno’s behavior. Maybe he should avoid any relationship problems because if there’s someone worse than Jaemin with romance, that is Jeno.

“Now”. Jaemin turns with a pointed look Jeno’s way, almost shaking his head noticing how he already left the book on the mattress and is scrolling through his phone. “Who pissed on your breakfast?”.

“Don’t frown too much, Jaemin, or you’ll get wrinkles”. Jeno doesn’t even look up, typing something on the screen. “Your dick can wait until tonight, it’s not a tragedy”.

Jaemin eyes Jeno’s nightstand and the half empty and cold cup of tea there from the previous night, index finger pushing it down ‘accidentally’ to Jeno’s sleeve and a few drops on the duvet as well. The other looks up, snorting for a moment in disbelief and furrows his eyebrows.

“Laundry duty is yours today anyway”. Jaemin leaves and mentions a smile when he turns from Jeno giving him a striking middle finger.

That’s how they are; push and pull of pettiness mixed with an odd entertainment behind testing the limits, maybe if there’s something they’re compatible with this is it. Renjun thinks they’re out of their minds whenever Jaemin mentions something he or Jeno did, and how only they can stay in the same apartment after approximately two years of this madness. 

It’s a pain in the ass to try and change roommates, especially now they need to focus on their thesis plus the remaining exams to study for don’t allow much time. If he managed to live with Jeno until now there’s no point changing at the end. There’s also an unspoken challenge to who will give up first, and if Jaemin is more honest to himself he’d probably miss him after they’ll get their degree and move on to a very uncertain future.

Jaemin is not fazed to find out Jeno left his towels in the laundry room that night, getting out of the bathroom cleaning his face with Jeno’s one right where he’s laying on the couch doing something for his lectures. 

It’s around a week later when Jaemin comes back home to some rushed breaths and moans from their bedroom. He hesitates at the door, if he closes it gently he can probably leave unheard and meet up with Jisung that he spotted recently grimacing at his books in the library. 

He kind of really needs to eat though, and they have some food expiring tomorrow he was looking forward to cooking. He quietly gets in the kitchen and closes the door, their walls are thin and it’s pretty much useless but neither Jeno and the person he’s with seem to be noticing.

Jaemin doesn’t feel like disturbing or being Jeno’s usual nightmare, if he’s honest he didn’t have the best day and feels miserable. The thesis he’s working on doesn’t really satisfy his lecturer who suggested changing basically everything he’s been working for. He’s close with the man, writing some articles for him last year and he’s just pushing him to do his best. He never got paid for the little job he offered him, but having worked with the professor will look really good on his curriculum once he’ll start looking for a serious job.

He’s sulking on the kitchen table on a Thursday evening skipping one his last classes for the day getting back home right after the office hours of the lecturer were over, staring blankly at his roommate’s schedule.

A schedule that is also Jaemin’s, where the other writes down all their house chores and who has to do them. Groceries list, rental deadlines, Jeno even wrote Jaemin reminders to take his medicines when he got sick. And Jeno being a meteorology student always has their calendar full of doodles of the sun, clouds or rain depending on his forecasts which are most of the time correct.

Jaemin pursues his lips at one sound Jeno makes, a bit guttural and loud. The bed creaks under its weak structure, and he bumps his forehead to the table a few beats later. He shuts his eyes, blocking one specific memory that still haunts him to this day. 

Smell of stinging peach flavored vodka, a tongue burning on his jaw and some very drunk hands roaming down his body before Jaemin realized Jeno was not in his right mind and stopped him on the spot. They were fighting that night as well, free to scream at each other mean words in the lgbt friendly club loud music that hosted one of their colorful Friday nights. They got too close at one point and Jaemin simply craned his back at the contact when it happened. 

There’s an unsaid wish for Jeno to really don’t remember and if he does, to never bring that up and it lingers everyday in his head. At times like these the memory grows stronger, becoming more affected by Jeno and he ignores it at the best of his capacities. He's pretty great at ignoring it, but Jaemin is a young man and Jeno sounds particularly noisy today.

He sighs, hears Jeno again mingling with someone else's voice that sounds awfully too similar to Mark, and takes a cigarette heading to the small balcony they have. It’s no secret the two have a friendship allowing some extra intimacy, yet Jaemin always feels uneasy whenever they are together and he can hear all of it.

He’s not sure if it is Mark being his friend that makes it odd - and maybe it’s really not that when he almost screamed with joy the night Renjun and Donghyuck started making out right on the couch next to him. Useless to say, they never talk about their hookups. It’s too friendly, too close to a relationship they don’t have.

It’s cold outside, the railings almost frozen when he touches them and clings in his cream colored cardigan, swallowing his frame. Jaemin’s lips burn from the long drag, and he progressively starts shivering more. He doesn’t really dig the idea of getting back inside where he can hear Jeno.

It’s one of those days Jaemin can’t stand his brain, asking demanding questions he doesn’t answer. He thinks it’s time to get that shower he truly needs and it gets him back inside to slip quickly in the bathroom.

Jaemin curses quietly a few times, he has his underwear and clothes in their bedroom and he clearly can’t go there. It’s awfully silent and Mark probably already went home as he was showering, or he’s unlucky and they’ll get back at it soon again. 

He finds himself cooking with his bathrobe and nothing under it, standing in front of the stove in a void attempt to find some warmth from the blue and orange flames, inspecting the bag of cabbage to save the good bits to cook. 

His hair is dripping water to his nape and he slowly overheats as his body dries up in the thick fabric and he’s busy cooking, thankful to catch the sound of their bedroom door finally opening.

He steals a glance back, and Jeno doesn’t look good. He seems tired, limping to his chair and almost protectively folding arms in his chest. 

“Are you alone?”. Jaemin asks, focusing on cutting carrots. A portion for two, he has a feeling Jeno will give in and eat without being his prideful self tonight.

Jeno just hums positively, out of life when his eyes scan the schedule. He’s supposed to buy groceries, and the fridge is desolated of any nutrients but Jaemin isn’t really mad at him. He can sense Jeno’s distress. Again, they’re not close and he’s sure the black haired boy won’t suddenly start and talk about his feelings. 

Jaemin’s bathrobe slips from his shoulders exposing his chest, attention completely taken by this one recipe he’s sweating in his freshly clean skin. A chinese recipe he’s never done before, a crumpled piece of paper written by Renjun’s mother the last time he visited the lovely woman. She wrote it quickly because Jaemin remembered to ask too late when they had to leave for their train so the calligraphy isn't very neat, he can follow through just fine.

And if he has doubts, Jaemin gets teased by his friends about being a charmer of mature women, and of course he has the woman’s phone number to call and directly ask.

“It’s cold”. Jaemin almost jumps hearing and feeling Jeno behind him, hand grabbing a side of his bathrobe covering him up. He seems to regret it as he does it, awkwardly looking over after taking an obvious look at his exposed skin. Jaemin would smile and tease, albeit up close he can spot how livid Jeno under his eyes is.

He understands, they probably both had a shitty day. Also Jaemin knows for a fact Jeno usually sleeps with people more for letting go of stress than for fun, at least that's what once told him Donghyuck.

He lifts the corner of his mouth in a smile, checking the flame for his pot to boil. 

“I’m grabbing some clothes, you were busy and I couldn't, uhm, yeah”. Jaemin cringes at his own words, dropping every attempt to save his great speech and goes into their bedroom.

Jaemin feels stupid for avoiding Mark a few days later, right when the other is about to greet him happily at their usual coffee shop next to campus where all life seem to happen. He pretends to not see him, smiling kindly at Jungwoo instead, a handsome mechanical engineering student and one of Jaemin’s older flings. 

Full lips, orange hair and a set of long legs that has many people take a second look when he walks around campus, also one of the most pleasant one night stands Jaemin ever had. He remembers they spent the night talking about random things he forgot, more tipsy than drunk, and since then they started sitting around together after meeting again under daylight and he slowly became a friend.

It’s not a friendship as deep as the one with Renjun, although Jungwoo is fun company and never made it weird after a few more nights spent together. And he’s relieved seeing Mark turn back to his seat, all before he spots Jeno sitting with some other people at the same table. 

It makes sense, Jeno hangs out often with Mark’s group, which casually happens to be mingling often with Jaemin’s as well. He can’t tell why he’s overreacting, it has no use avoiding them. Jungwoo’s smile drops and leans closer to Jaemin, turning the coffee mug in his hands.

“Do you want to get out of here?”. Jaemin asks, not sure of what he’s doing, hooking his fingers in Jungwoo’s hand. There’s a look in his eyes he of course can’t see, but he’s aware that’s the exact one he does when he’s asking for more, and Jungwoo catches it.

“I thought we were sticking to the friends part only”.

Jaemin glances over Mark’s table, feeling a shiver down his spine when he locks eyes with a rather serious Jeno. It’s nothing shocking, he’s met the boy a variety of times in here, or anywhere else around campus really. The world is small and so is their university area.

“Jeno is not home. I promise we can still be friends even after a quick fuck”.

“Always a hopeless romantic, Na”. Jungwoo smirks, sweet eyes and his beautiful lips on display. Jaemin really wants to get lost with him for a while.

He bites the inside of his cheek, and his mind uncomfortably keeps wandering even when Jungwoo gets under him and is making all those pretty sounds he usually really likes and finds amusement getting them out of everyone he sleeps with, his voice gentle even when Jaemin is everything but languid. 

There’s still images of that damned night flashing in his head, Jeno’s sounds of yesterday mixed in his head with the real moans Jungwoo makes with lips pressed right on his ear and he should be listening to those, noticing his own overworked breath and how sticky they are with sweat. 

Somehow nothing feels right. Jungwoo is his friend and he shouldn’t be using him for his stupid mind overthinking about meaningless pieces of unsure and neglected feelings, he regrets their sweat hitting the duvet that seems rough and suffocating and he now has to wash them and his own breathing sounds the same. Wrong. 

Jaemin is lifelessly laying on the couch a while later, some printed notes pressed to his nose and almost cross eyed to read a few words. He’s wearing the most comfortable clothes in his wardrobe and there’s still an odd pace of his heartbeat and bites his lip when he hears steps entering the living room space.

“Was that Jungwoo before?”.

Jaemin glances up, mildly surprised. 

“Oh, so we do talk”.

Jeno sighs, bag of groceries thrown to the table and a messy hand combing his black hair. Sometimes Jaemin misses the odd blue color fading and turning extremely bright after going to the hairdresser again during the entirety of their first year. He misses the first days when they at least made an effort.

“Nevermind”. He says, turning on his heels to leave but Jaemin stands up, unsure why he’s doing it. 

“Wait!”. Jeno twitches an eyebrow his way and Jaemin briefly panics, pushing his papers to the side. “I’m joking. Why are you asking?”.

“We do share some hookups, apparently”.

Jaemin wrinkles his nose in distaste before he can contain it. He’s not too content with the new information, and the thought of Jeno and Jungwoo together makes his stomach churn in a worse way than it does when it comes to Mark. He almost feels sick. 

“Jungwoo is not a hookup”.

“Oh?”. Jeno leans to the table, socked feet close to steady himself and Jaemin realizes it sounds weird. “Are you two dating?”.

“I mean, he’s a friend”. Jaemin moves his hand dismissively, standing up and his shoulder slightly brushes with Jeno, getting weird over it because they’re never close, not even physically when they live in the same space. Stupid narrow room. “I’m tired, but if you’re hungry you can eat the leftovers”.

“Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you guys, you look kind of-”.

“You can fuck with Jungwoo, I don’t care”. Jaemin cuts him off.

His answer comes clipped and Jeno carefully nods, probably sensing his tension and addressing it to something else they won’t talk about. As always, as they’ve been doing for two years. How is he supposed to tell Jeno it’s not really Jungwoo or Mark alone bothering him without questioning all he’s always been sure of.

He’s getting to new areas of his mind he always restrains to explore - he’s tired, Jaemin needs some rest and better luck with his thesis and everything will be peachy as it is most days.

Jaemin and Jeno share everything that is material, their apartment space not allowing other options. Same bedroom, bathroom, plates and glasses, even towels or duvets and less personal items they grew comfortable enough to share.

The most annoying one, for someone who likes fashion and has many clothes like Jaemin, is to share the same wardrobe. There's only one in their bedroom; it is wide for two, but they have to share it and they kind of draw an invisible line to separate their clothes hangers and the drawers space. 

With time Jaemin’s half became slightly bigger, Jeno occasionally wears something other than sweats and gigantic hoodies hiding his entire figure. He rarely dresses up, some club nights where he spotted him in skinny jeans are the only memories he has of it and everyone who’s seen the boy working out at the nearby gym knows Jeno is fit. 

The masculine, manly and perfect kind of fit that most men in society aim to have, the one Jaemin always daydreamed about when he was younger and thought about what was ideal in a potential boyfriend.

Jaemin wakes up late, and that wouldn't be a problem of clashing bodies if Jeno isn't unusually and disastrously not on his perfect schedule as on any other occasion. 

Jaemin jumps on his feet when he smells a nippy shower gel and finds Jeno bending next to him to one of the lower drawers looking for his pants, gaping for a moment because Jeno is naked less of his underwear and extremely close to his very own bare chest and sleep induced state. He can spot his spine line in the pale and smooth skin, gulping down a moment. Jeno is the annoying roommate, and also an extremely handsome guy he can’t really ignore if he sees him on these occasions. Jaemin is a bisexual man afterall and definetely not blind to beauty.

Jeno looks up from where he is, a tiny acknowledging mention of his head as he keeps rummaging until he gets out some grey sweats. 

“Morning”. Jaemin grimaces at his voice an ounce higher, mind focusing back on looking for a thicker shirt. Today seems cold outside, not wanting to be tricked by how hot the small space he’s in is.

The wardrobe door doesn't open that much and Jaemin is satisfied to see Jeno’s cheeks pinking when he turns and takes a close look at him.

“Late?”. Jeno says, almost whispers, seeming to be having a difficult time choosing clothes. Fairly, Jaemin is late and distracted, the worst combination.

“Could ask the same”. Jaemin slightly smirks, tilting his head at the way Jeno just stands facing him, watching Jaemin slipping his shirt on as he clutches a hoodie in his hands to his chest. 

Jaemin unconsciously licks his bottom lip, looks back at his untidy bed. Maybe if he stops their weird morning encounter he does have time to make it before running to his first class. He huffs out a laugh, takes out another hoodie from Jeno’s wardrobe side and pushes it to his chest.

“This one’s better. Also, grab a coffee or something, I know I’m hot but you can’t stay here all day”. Jaemin keeps mischievously his tongue between his teeth. “Unless you’re waiting for a good morning kiss”.

“Fuck off, Na”. Jeno rolls his eyes, wearing Jaemin’s choice of clothing anyway and walks past him.

Days and months in his university career have their own conception of time. Or Jaemin is plainly going crazy at his point and only keeps count of days without having a concrete idea of them passing. He’s always running from one lecture to another, tutoring high school kids and trying to write his thesis in a satisfying way for himself and his professor. 

Jaemin comes back one evening with a few plants and all necessary to settle them on their already small balcony, unsure if Jeno would be happy about it.

They're not allowed to have pets, which is criminal to Jaemin, animals are the biggest font of comfort and happiness for hopeless students like them. He’s read it somewhere and often mentions it whenever he visits the animal shelter with Renjun and they take permission to walk some of the dogs out.

Back to the plants he’s now covering in loam inside the pretty colorful vases of ceramic, a gift from one of the parents of the students he tutors for. The man has a beautiful garden he takes care of daily and finds Jaemin often staring at the flowers and healthy green plants during the short breaks between teaching. 

Jaemin likes color, their apartment is honestly sad, it's March and their last year here so it's also not a great idea to start growing plants right now, hopefully the next renters will take care of them and they'll also have a better relationship with each other. He explained his concern to his student’s father, promising he’s unsure he’ll be a great father for the gifted plants.

His new plants are most likely going to die from the cold, yet Jaemin finds a sort of comfort patting loam and having his digits dirty with it, the small roof up his head covering him from the patchy and cold rain falling outside. Jaemin apologized to Jungwoo today, the other seemed confused as to why he was doing it in the first place but then simply hugged him, saying Jaemin is free to talk to him about anything. Guilt was eating him alive since their evening together, and if he’s honest he’s avoiding sleeping with most people and rejected many flirting attempts.

Nothing is really happening, and his mood goes down for no specific reason - or for reasons he doesn’t really want to admit or he’ll truly get upset. He hears the door unlock, and curiously eyes Jeno walking where he is and sits crossed leg next to him, both of them together in the balcony leaving barely any space left for the vases Jaemin is fixing.

This is new, the boy never purposely looks for him when he comes back, eventually talking after a while when they find each other in the same room and it would be weird to be completely silent. Jeno looks troubled, arms folding and staring at Jaemin’s new plants. He says nothing, has a growing frown and Jaemin waits for him complaining about them in the next few minutes.

“Do you think I’m just a pretty face?”. 

Jaemin widens his eyes, out of all things that could come out of Jeno’s mouth this was the last one he was expecting. “What?”.

“You’re usually brutally honest so, quick, answer the question”. 

“I, uhm”. Jaemin moves closer to another vase he needs to fill, dirtying the pastel colored ceramic with his dusty fingers. “I don’t think I know you well enough to answer truthfully”.

“We’ve been roommates for two years, Jaemin”.

“Yeah, isn’t it ironic?”. Jaemin’s answer comes out too bitterly than intended, and it flusters Jeno. “You’re this guy that lives with me, that has many habits I know by heart because we live together but when it comes to you, I have no idea of who you are?”.

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders and mildly shakes his head, staring at the thin drops of freezing rain. “Name something about me that isn’t futile or isn’t already obvious to anyone else”.

Jeno stares at him, gaze dropping to his crossed legs, teeth nipping at his lips. He doesn’t answer.

“I’d say you’re not just a pretty face. You’re smart, have extremely good grades when we both procrastinate and study last minute before exams, you seem kind to others but you barely speak to me so I can’t tell”. Jaemin sighs, he wasn’t really supposed to throw all his frustration so freely to Jeno but now it’s out and he can go on. 

“Maybe you should ask Mark, Donghyuck, Renjun, literally all the friends we have in common that know more than I’ll ever do. We’re soon not going to be roommates anymore and I lived with a stranger for three years”.

“I thought you didn’t care”. 

Jeno's admission is extremely quiet and if it isn’t for the low sound of rain rumbling between their silence Jaemin wouldn’t even hear him say it. He looks up, Jaemin sitting on his knees and feels ridiculous finally talking seriously about something they both neglected for long with mud in his fingers. 

“You always had those cocky and ready answers you don’t really have with the others. You used to ask me about my day the first days we met and then-”. Jeno stops, hesitant.

“Go on, we’re here there’s no need to hold back”. Jaemin gestures to him to continue, fixing his plants distractedly as he looks at Jeno. Some hurtful words of how Jeno doesn’t appreciate him are better than nothing at this point.

“It didn’t feel genuine? It always sounds like you’re mocking me, or trying to prove a point and I simply do it back. It’s always like you’re attacking me”. 

“And why didn’t you tell me? We could have been civil for longer if you said any of this before”.

Jeno smiles, a small one as he locks eyes with Jaemin. “And why didn’t you? Since it’s apparently bothering you so much”.

“Fair enough”. Jaemin chuckles, and Jeno looks gentle for the first time, similar to the way his friends describe him. “I’ve heard you like to say you hate me. It’s okay, I do too but I don’t really mean it? It’s more out of habit”.

“Yeah, me too”. Jeno is embarrassed, Jaemin can tell from the way he fumbles with his fingers and the plenty stares down to the plants instead of his face. None of them move, Jaemin ends up sitting properly on the cold pavement of their balcony, and as the light goes down outside and they’re illuminated by the yellowish one of their kitchen it also gets colder.

“Who said you’re just a pretty face?”. Jeno gives him an insecure grimace that has Jaemin smile gently. This is a starter, to talk about something slightly more meaningful than who has to wash the dishes or do laundry. “Usually when people ask these kinds of things is because they can’t get someone’s words out of their minds”.

“A dude I’ve slept with from my gym and Yeeun, the secretary you know her right?”. Jaemin nods and Jeno moves closer to the third and last vase, hands patting the loam following Jaemin’s movements. “We’re friends and she told me he was saying I’m bland and yeah, just a pretty face and nothing else. It got me thinking, I don’t think he’s wrong”.

Jaemin scoffs. “And you’re letting this one dude that knows nothing about you except your dick size define your personality? Damn Jeno, I thought you were better than this”.

“Jaemin”. Jeno tries to hold back a smile when Jaemin bumps his shoulder with Jeno. 

“Shake it off, really. You have no idea how mean people can get when they realize you can’t give them what they want”. 

“Are you talking from experience here?”.

Jaemin makes a positive sound, scrolling his hands out of dirt but it’s useless. All the air’s humidity makes his palms sticky with brownish shades. Jeno rests his cheek on the cold railing, hissing for a second but he stays there. 

“Maybe we should give it a try”. Jeno sheepishly gives him a smile. “To be more than strangers living in the same apartment”.

Jaemin stands up, offering a hand for Jeno to hold. “Hungry?”.

The black haired boy sighs, grabbing Jaemin’s hand to get up, it doesn’t matter they’re both full of loam. “Starving”.

Jaemin thinks he’s content. They’re not suddenly best friends, and it is totally fine, enjoying Jeno allowing himself to be less tense around him. Jeno who’s kind of goofy if he wants to, especially when he cooks and doesn’t really hold back to ask Jaemin for help.

“God, how did you survive these two years if this is what you make alone?”.

“I always hoped you’d notice, feel pity and help, if you want me to be honest”.

Jaemin rubs a hopeless hand on his face, moves next to Jeno to the stove. He doesn’t really think about it, Jaemin is touchy with his friends so his hand naturally circles and falls on Jeno’s hip as the other moves the new pieces of garlic to stir-fry in the oily pan. Jaemin is focused explaining what Jeno has to do once this time the garlic is not burnt and of an ugly dark brown color but Jeno is just staring at him, blinking a few times.

He eventually realizes they’re close, Jeno probably is uncomfortable and thinking wrongly of it, detaching his arm immediately. 

“Sorry, I just, with my friends I’m-”. Jaemin painfully stretches his lips apologetically. 

“Oh, no it’s okay, I’m not weirded out, really”. Jeno stresses and they look funny from a third point of view. Somehow their attempts at being closer had them growing more awkwardly than before. Still, it’s a good kind of awkwardness.

Jaemin senses how skittish Jeno is whenever he spots him shirtless around the house, his usual poker face replaced with panic the other day he mindlessly walked in not realizing Jaemin was with a girl from one of his lectures in bed and they still haven’t really talked about that. Jaemin felt suddenly weird, and a bit wrong for keeping doing this when one of them can come over and might need the bedroom for anything, and it amazes him how much they didn’t care before just because they needed to tease and push the other’s buttons.

Honestly, they still do tease the other, but it’s with less petty things. For example, Jaemin has a prideful hate for strawberries and Jeno pretended he only bought strawberry flavored milk for them when he was supposed to buy groceries. Or Jaemin folds messily their clothes which have Jeno’s face twitch with annoyance and gets up from the couch or bed and does it for him instead. 

And Jaemin hates to admit Jeno is actually great company. They recently started to watch anime together, and their shitty internet connection has the episodes lag and stop abruptly for minutes and that’s when they catch up with their day or things they never really spoke about.

Jaemin finds out Jeno has an older sister, that his parents are lawyers and Jeno always pulled that card in high school when his closest friends were being bullied. One of those friends is Donghyuck, and tells them older antics of him following the honey haired boy during his skater phase, scraping knees and having an injured body most days.

One night Jeno had the brilliant idea to steal their library’s wifi to download a bunch of episodes. The first time watching episodes without interruptions and a lack of conversation has Jaemin's head heavy and tired limbs falling against Jeno’s body, both pressed to one side of the couch. 

As weeks pass, they’re also less jittery about physical contact. It’s still rare, but Jaemin doesn’t feel an ounce uncomfortable when Jeno moves Jaemin’s head to his lap, fingers threading in his hair. He flutters his eyelashes shut, approval in a small sound and one of Jeno’s open palms fall to his chest, soothing movements.

“We can watch it tomorrow, I’m kind of sleepy too”.

Jaemin doesn’t answer, focused on the warm digits moving strands of hair out of his forehead delicately. He’s weary, and grateful for his mind shutting up whenever it starts thinking this is the first time they’re so cuddly, and Jeno seems to not be moving his fingers out of him soon, stroking his cheek. He turns sheepishly to the side, nose sinking in Jeno’s stomach and his sweater falls down under the pressure, inhaling the fabric softener fragrance.

Jaemin was supposed to study with Renjun today. To concentrate on this ugly partial exam he has in a week and sharing some occasional words with his best friend both concentrated on their own notes. He can’t focus, slumping further on the table and making a few distressed noises as he turns his squished cheek to the side where he spots Jeno, Mark and Donghyuck looking for a table. 

“Oh, fuck me”. Jaemin complains under Renjun’s judging stare, the only time he interrupts his reading since they got here.

“I think you have plenty of admirers for that baby, no need to ask your best friend”. 

Jaemin looks up with a glare at the tangy voice of Donghyuck, confident smile as he takes a chair next to him. He winks to the boy, beautiful full lips in a heart shape, and soft gaze and features despite the very clever and fast answers coming out of his mouth, always a good and comical flirt.

“Are you perhaps one of those?”. Jaemin smiles, lifting his eyebrows a moment when Donghyuck hooks a finger under his chin, leaning close. That’s how they always act, he’s a fun one and Jaemin never cares about what others might think of their stupid back and forth. As surprising as it is for many, Donghyuck and Jaemin are just friends, and the real reason why is sitting across from him.

Jaemin locks eyes with Jeno sitting next to Renjun. He has an indecipherable expression for a few seconds too long, glancing back down to his bag before Jaemin has to give attention to Donghyuck who moves his face back to him.

Donghyuck pulls away, opening his own books, an uncharacteristic faint blush creeping in his cheeks. “Too bad, you’re quite a charmer but you’re also late, I’m taken”.

“You’re what?”. Mark’s voice is a tone higher and Jaemin realizes the boy is right next to him, wide eyed, red hoodie, blue beanie and leaning so he can see the other better. “With who?”.

“Not telling you”. Donghyuck winks back, sweet side profile gleaming in satisfaction because they’re all curious. Renjun looks more nervous than intrigued by the news, and when they look at each other Jaemin already knows, giving him a bubbly smile. 

“Guys, let’s study, mh?”. Jaemin gives a nudge at Mark’s hip who’s still trying to get something out of Donghyuck, sighing but listens to him, opening his laptop where a 3d project is half done. Jeno has formulas and numbers Jaemin would never be able to understand in his entire life, and he seems a bit moody. He doesn’t talk much but Jaemin doesn’t consider it worrying, they’re supposed to be quiet.

They eventually get back on their books, Jaemin’s spine asking for mercy. It hurts more than it does on any other day and he can barely move his neck right and left without hissing in pain. He whines after several changes of position, all more uncomfortable than the previous one, palms pressed to the table as he tries to stretch, and Mark turns his way questiongly.

“I fell asleep on the couch yesterday”. He reasons to Mark, watching him with a series of pained faces for him.

Jeno looks up quickly, pressed lips and a careful look when Jaemin makes another pained sound at his attempt to relieve pain.

“I tried to wake you”. He says quietly, shy, but everyone turns his way. No one knows about their improved relationship, and Jeno hasn’t slept with any of the people they know - at least in front of Jaemin, in the last weeks. It must be for their nights spent watching movies, Jaemin doesn’t as well and life at their apartment has been nicer than ever. Calmer.

“Really?”.

“Yeah, when I moved your head from my legs you were still sleeping soundly”. Jeno holds back a laugh and talks casually, dropping his face when everyone looks between them confused. “I felt bad waking you up”. He finishes with his voice an ounce lower.

Renjun especially sends him a - you need to tell me everything, traitor - look and Jaemin inflates his cheeks, sending a look in Mark’s way. He’s aware the two aren’t dating, they only sleep together but Jaemin feels a bit uneasy at the idea of Mark hearing them being closer, especially when Jeno stopped abruptly to look for the older that way.

Mark only points at his neck, kind smile on display and seeming uneffected. “I’m good with massages, come here”.

Jaemin only grows unexplainably tense at the idea of Jeno watching them. Jaemin doesn’t like Mark, isn’t attracted to him romantically or sexually and only appreciates the boy for the friendship they have. When people see you as someone who fucks around and never commits to a relationship, people like Mark are important, reminding himself he still can have friends who want nothing from him but his personality and whatever else he can offer keeping his clothes on.

With Mark talking about how he’s learned all kinds of techniques to loosen tense muscles from his father and Jeno looking down everytime their eyes meet makes Jaemin feel like he’s being caught cheating on someone. Except he’s the lover, the intruder who has no business catching feelings for the person being cheated on and not for the one touching him right now.

That funny churning of his stomach stays all night, when they decide to go to a bar and have a few drinks. He talks and tries to be entertained, laughs when Taeyong and Yuta join them, two students of the academy of fine arts they met at some events their university holds. Jaemin is distracted, munching on ice cubes once his drink is over and he feels Renjun’s chin pressing to his shoulder.

“What’s going on with you two?”. Renjun follows Jaemin’s gaze where Jeno is talking to Taeyong about something he’s not really listening to and Mark laughs loudly at Yuta, bending his whole body with giggles. Donghyuck looks at the boy bewildered, sipping his drink.

“Absolutely nothing”. Jaemin says in a clipped answer, taking a glimpse of Renjun’s face staring at the drinking boy next to Mark. “You and Donghyuck, huh? Congrats”.

“Hey”. Renjun gives him a comic look, not really angry. “Don’t change the topic”.

“I’m serious, though”. Jaemin gives up smiling, he’s not in the mood and he’d like another drink. “Jeno and I… nothing, as always”.

“But why do you both seem to care now?”. 

“Maybe I’ll tell you after a few shots”.

Jaemin stumbles a few times and proudly repeats he’s fine, their apartment lacking an elevator made it quite an adventure for drunk Jaemin and barely tipsy Jeno suggesting the other to lean on him. 

They get inside, Jeno following him in their bedroom and Jaemin strips off his clothes, feeling hot with alcohol rushing in his circulation and a heartbeat still fast from climbing up the stairs. 

“Enjoying the view?”.

Jeno stares, grabbing Jaemin’s arms when he trips back to the mattress to avoid a brutal fall and kindly covers him with his blanket. “You have a better body so, probably not”. Jaemin says and looks up to Jeno tucking him in bed, black hair falling to his forehead and a pointed look that he finds funny.

He’ll regret not washing up in the morning, blinking with curiosity at Jeno that just sits next to him. The bed is small, and Jeno’s hips hit his leg as he takes place there, moving hair behind Jaemin’s ears.

“Do you need a glass of water? I don’t want you to get sick”.

“I’m fine, I just had a few too many shots. I can handle alcohol well”. Jaemin makes his best believable expression, and excluding some slurred words and his lack of balance his brain is completely sober and fine to elaborate proper words. 

“Mh, okay”. Jeno gets up, pointing ironically his way. “I’m getting water anyway”.

Jeno lays in his bed, hears the thin creaking of the mattress when his back rests there, room dark and quiet. Jaemin gets brave with alcohol erasing his mouth filter. The other can’t see him, and recently every night he feels Jeno’s breathing steading to sleep, his heart won’t give him space. 

And if his brain is so freely grazing all the spots of his mind Jaemin usually avoids, tonight he needs to speak or he won't find rest.

He’d like to hug Jeno, just to see if he really wants it. Or now they are friendly, he’s aware that possibility exists and it entails Jeno not pushing him away and he wants to try it out. There are many possibilities out there haunting his mind. Jaemin probably sees him more attractive since he got to understand him better, there’s so much that Jeno has and it is likeable. 

Jeno is a lot more likeable than the good looking boy he decided to share an apartment with when he was 19.

Jaemin is not sure Jeno is awake, so he just speaks, lets it out. The worst can happen is the boy being asleep or ignoring him. And if he ignores him, Jaemin won't ask ever again and he can give it closure.

“Are you jealous of Mark?”.

Jeno makes a confused sound, there’s some shuffling of bedsheets. “Mark? No, we’re friends but like, I’m not jealous”.

“Then are you jealous of me being with Mark or Mark not being with you? Because today you looked weird, and maybe I’m reading this wrong and you were just being you but-”.

“Jaemin”.

“It’s nothing”. Jaemin sighs, faces the wall and he knows Jeno can’t see him anyway. It’s dark, late and he’s seriously had too many shots, this is a huge mistake. “I’m drunk, forget it”.

He can keep ignoring it. Because Jaemin is being jealous for no reason, Jeno is not his and they barely spoke before a few weeks ago. And he shouldn’t put his mouth where Jeno and Mark have been close intimately for more than a year, they probably built something a lot stronger than what he and everyone else knows. 

Exactly like Donghyuck and Renjun, maybe Jeno and Mark are more than friends and he’s making a fool of himself for even asking so directly if Jeno can be jealous of him. 

Mark didn’t react when Jeno suggested Jaemin fell asleep with him, and to be honest he shouldn’t be worried for the other because Jeno doesn’t see him that way, and he’s kind like that letting his roommate sleep in his lap. He squeezes his eyes strongly, the burn of the smoky bar and alcohol closes in his lashes.

“I’m not sleeping with Mark anymore”. Jeno says, a long pause where Jaemin isn’t sure he should say something or react in any way. “You probably don’t care, I don’t know why-”.

“You can sleep with whoever you want, Jeno. We already talked about it”. Jaemin's heart pounds in his chest, answering quickly. 

“Fine”. That’s the last thing Jeno says before falling quiet, and hopefully asleep because Jaemin doesn’t all night.

Catching feelings the way Jaemin did doesn’t make it all bubbly and with butterflies in his stomach whenever he glances at the boy he likes. Instead there’s again an unspoken tension in the apartment, scolding himself mentally for being so careful around Jeno, almost worryingly polite.

It’s around two weeks later since that drunk question and a lot of awkwardness in the apartment that had Jaemin spend a lot of time out and working at a satisfying draft of his thesis that he comes back home and his heart drops.

Jaemin planned to nap for a while and study all night with only caffeine keeping him going for this one exam he has to catch up since he failed it last year, opening the door to find Jeno straddling someone else he’s already seen around campus.

Black hair, slim figure and one of the olders, probably of the master degree students. Doyoung, he thinks the name is, not really of matter when Jaemin stands still and his brain shuts off, really not ready to see Jeno with someone else. He had settled his heart to bear the pain of him and Mark together if he eventually found them home, but this is different.

It’s silly, Jaemin slept around for selfish purposes as well last week, not at their apartment because it doesn’t feel right anymore and the idea of Jeno hearing him hurts. Makes him uneasy, exactly like he does when Jeno turns after Doyoung looks behind them and spots Jaemin petrified at the door.

Jeno with pink cheeks, glossy lips and eyes uncomfortably shifting as he gets off Doyoung’s lap, the older watching their odd interaction.

“I’m going”. Jaemin turns back, his throat constricting with everything he doesn’t like. Too vulnerable, too attached to this one boy that was supposed to stay a stranger and have them part ways peacefully, instead of learning how great of a person Jeno is for a whim of Jaemin.

Life always plays with our weakest spots, and Jeno with someone else was the cherry on top for today and that week spent ignoring him. He doesn’t sleep with Mark anymore, but it doesn’t mean nothing to them, it wasn’t anything important apparently. Jaemin feels stupid for thinking Jeno meant something else, that maybe he couldn’t sleep with their friend anymore because he does have feelings remotely close to what Jaemin feels.

What does Jaemin feel? He’s scared to think about all the consequences of truly admitting he likes Jeno. Is useless to pretend he doesn’t know the answer, it sits right in his threatening tears and exasperated sigh he makes walking out of the building. That small part of his brain repeating Jeno meant something since longer than he could realize speaks ahead of him. 

He’ll come back later, close his heart in a box, the usual, keeping quick steps he doesn't know yet where they're taking him.

Jaemin comes home particularly late since he left in the evening. He’s not expecting Jeno to be there, crossed arms and sitting on the couch in the dark, only spotting him when he turns the lights on. 

His first thought is to run and go out again, but he knows Donghyuck and Renjun are together and his petty brain doesn’t really need to see Mark right now. Poor Mark who has nothing to do with all of this. He opts to sprint to the bathroom and maybe hide there forever but Jeno grabs his arm before he can put his plan to action.

“We need to talk”. Jeno gives him a stern look, Jaemin easily irritable when he frees from the hold and backs of a few steps. “First that question about Mark and I, now this”.

“I was drunk that night”. 

“Were you?”. Jeno lifts his eyebrows with an annoying confidence and Jaemin looks away, teeth nipping his lips.

“I was, and I told you it’s fine so I don’t understand why we’re still talking about it”.

“So you think it’s normal disappearing for four hours and not answering your phone once?”. Jeno slightly raises his voice, and Jaemin doesn’t have the time to take in Jeno being actually angry at him for the first time. “I was worried, why were you ignoring me?”.

“It really isn’t your business what I do outside of this apartment”.

“It is, idiot!”. Jeno pushes him, it’s not too strong but Jaemin is caught in their tiny kitchen between the table and an upset Jeno. “Is it Doyoung? You don’t like him for any reason I don’t know? You never cared once before. Jesus, say something!”.

“I’m tired of always seeing you fuck with other guys”. Jaemin says incensed by Jeno pushing him again, trying to get words out of his mouth. 

Jeno scoffs, eyes glossy before he screams again. “You do it too, fucking asshole, why is it a problem if I do it?”.

“Because they’re not me!”. Jaemin's voice comes out louder than Jeno’s question, louder and angrier than he thought it would be. He feels lighter for a moment, like it needed to be tweaked out of his stomach. 

His breath shakes when he realizes he actually said it, nostrils extending and eyes following Jeno’s wide and watery ones. The tension between them is so thick he can’t breathe, and Jeno says nothing, only locks eyes to Jaemin to check if he’s being serious. 

“Sorry”. That’s how their not even properly started friendship is going to end, with a confession Jaemin was clearly avoiding to never face the puzzled face Jeno makes and he turns to leave, thick jacket still on and his forehead feels sweaty.

“No”. Jeno holds his hand, turns and presses their bodies together. Jaemin registers the shifting look from his eyes to his lips and Jeno is kissing him, cold hands at his nape and Jaemin gets him closer to him by his hips, not really feeling anything with his jacket muffling their closeness.

Jaemin makes a half choked sound, out of breath and his tongue parts Jeno’s lips who gapes, lungs burning as he bites Jeno’s lower lip, the other unzipping his jacket off and on the floor.

Their first kiss is messy, desperate he might say, Jeno moving against him and walking back until he presses his spine to the wall, noses bumping a few times with the hungry pace of their tongues and open mouths. 

Jaemin kisses his jaw, lips wet and trailing down right under ear, a weird reversed memory of the first time Jeno kissed him there. He threads his hands under Jeno’s shirt, slim waist and his stomach twitching when his hand caresses his skin there.

“I didn’t do it with Doyoung, I couldn’t-”. Jeno moans, and is so sweet and vibrating in his skin it makes Jaemin shiver. “Couldn’t do it after seeing you. Honestly I didn't want to at all”.

Jaemin doesn’t answer, it doesn’t matter. Jeno is here now, arching his back to have them closer and unbuttoning his shirt. He doesn’t know what will happen but for the next hour, and if it ends up being only that short time, Jaemin will try to be fine with it.

It’s not the first time Jaemin sees Jeno’s bare body, they live together and with years passing there’s not much you can hide as you share the same space. Jeno is beautiful, and Jaemin's mouth sinks with his quick breaths as he kisses down his stomach. 

It gets them a long way before they can do anything, getting lost in busy kisses, turning to simply having Jeno gaping on his mouth when he starts to stroke his length, both noisy and unbothered of the small space of the bed.

Jaemin feels intoxicated with the way Jeno’s voice sounds, and now it is directly meant for the way he’s taking care of him and not casually hearing by mistake has him moan back, untouched and hard.

“Can I finger you? Is it okay?”.

“God, yes, please”.

Jaemin chuckles, pushing Jeno’s sweaty hair back, spreading the other's legs. He kisses Jeno’s throat, tongue following his Adam’s apple and catches the salty taste of their sweat. 

Jeno is too good to be real. Rocks his hips back to Jaemin’s fingers, flutters his lashes shut and cranes his neck back to the pillow. What a sight. Jeno is just tracing his fingers through his body and that is enough for him to leave noisy breaths, anticipating and watching mirth in Jeno’s opening eyes.

Jaemin hisses when Jeno circles his fingers around his dick, gives a few bold strokes and his hips stutter to their own accord.

He pushes them to hover Jaemin, encourages him to sink his fingers deeper in him and rides them alone.

“Careful”. Jaemin warns, understands the pace Jeno wants and does it himself, the other laying on his chest and arching his back more for him. “I don't want you to get hurt, take your time”.

“Such a gentleman”. Jeno giggles, but kisses Jaemin’s chin and it feels more intimate than what they're doing. He takes his wrist to pull his fingers out, grinds on him once and slowly. “I’m usually faster but I see you like it better slow”.

“Too bad”. Jaemin breaths out, grabbing soft skin behind Jeno’s thighs. “I love when pretty boys take it slow for me”.

“Don't talk about the others”. Jeno kisses him, aligns himself and starts bottoming, getting a groan out of him. “I’m your pretty boy, they don't matter”.

Jaemin’s brain gets clouded with that answer, air pushed out of him with a chuckle that's more a way to avoid cursing at how hot Jeno is. “Of course baby, they don't matter”.

Jaemin’s stomach feels on a free fall from the highest mountain, thumbs drawing circles on Jeno’s hips as he rides him. It sounds so dirty, the snap of hips and the wet moans they make yet Jeno’s fingers sinking in his hair and holding his head feels extremely pure. 

Jaemin’s vision is blocked by Jeno’s neck, right pressed to his mouth, leaving some light kisses turning into a gaping press as it gets more intense. Jeno knows his way, immediately finds what works for Jaemin and he is surprised how easily all of this falls between them.

If he’s honest, there was some great tension there since the first year they met, the wait and harboring of mixed unexplainable hatred and want sits right with the fast pace they set, slow purposes forgotten when Jeno circles Jaemin’s fingers around his neck in a tighter press and he makes the most guttural and gone sound he’s ever heard from anyone, ever.

His chest is burning, he’s sweating feverishly but Jeno’s weight on him is nice, and this time nothing feels suffocating, and the duvet under them is perfect to abandon after Jaemin does one accidental dry thrust inside Jeno, chests dirtying up with their release.

“When?”. Pants Jeno, falling on his chest. “When did it start?”.

Jaemin tries to cover Jeno, goosebumps as he hides cold fingers under his neck. Jeno raises his head and looks at Jaemin, eyes dark and droopy when he strokes his cheek. Beautiful, he’s never seen a boy so handsome and Jaemin suddenly sees it, aware what really messes with his heart is everything that doesn't belong to his sharp features and gorgeous face. He’s thankful for their efforts to try and see what's under their skin.

“Since that night you were drunk and tried to kiss me”.

“Damn, that's long”. Jeno nestles in the crook of Jaemin’s neck, humid puffs of air covering his skin with shivers. “For me it was longer than that, but I also kind of wanted to punch you at the same time”.

“In my defense”. Jaemin starts and hears Jeno chuckles. “I came to terms with it recently. And don't think you're a saint, I would have punched you back”.

“You're so stupid”. Jeno whines, laughing when Jaemin stops soothing his face and playfully slaps his ass. 

“Stupid? How was I supposed to understand when we didn't even speak to each other?”.

“Not back then!”. Jeno rolls next to him, not much space left to escape because they're still pressed to the other, Jaemin circles an arm around his middle and their lips are touching again. “I told you I stopped sleeping with Mark, I thought you’d understand”.

“How was I supposed-? Ugh, Jeno, really?”. Jaemin kisses him after a playful push, because Jeno willingly kisses back, dragging one of his hands to his lower back, grinding against Jaemin again.

“Then you said I can sleep with whoever I want”. Jeno mocks his voice, and Jaemin bites his neck to stop him but he’s laughing, throwing his thigh over his legs. “And I don't like seeing others flirt with you and it looked the same for you so that's why I said it”.

“So, how do you want me to move now?”. Jeno looks at him, traces his fingers on his chest and holds a cheeky smile.

“Possibly inside me, if you don't mind”.

Jaemin scoffs amused, rolling his eyes and throwing his head back in disbelief. “That's not what I meant”.

“You could have worded it better”.

“You're so frustrating”.

“Could say the same about you”. Jeno looks up where Jaemin is now on top of him, opens his legs with a face so sinful Jaemin’s brain malfunctions and almost forgets all the good intentions to make it out of this night with at least a proper mention of conversation. 

“Is it what we're going to do now? Fight and have sex?”. Jaemin is joking but Jeno makes a serious frown and somehow he is relieved.

“Just so you know, Donghyuck and Mark are going to kill us if we don't do anything about us”. He moves a finger between them.

Jaemin smiles, sliding his palms on Jeno’s sides. “Mark knows? How did he take it?”.

“We weren't exclusive and we’re friends. He’s fine, and I promise we won't make it weird”. Jeno shrugs, leans closer to kiss him, Jaemin holding his face to look at him properly instead.

“Are you serious about this Jeno?”.

Jeno brings him down by his nape, fingers playing with his ear. “Kiss me and I’ll show you how serious”.

Jaemin wakes up with a terrible back pain, and his hand reaches to the empty space of the bed, Jeno gone. He rubs his eyes fiercely, groaning a few times struggling to get out of bed. It’s quiet, and Jeno has a morning lecture today if his mind is not tricking him, meaning he has to clean the apartment. Jeno’s doodles of the weather and his name written on the calendar confirms it.

He spaces out in front of the bathroom mirror, spotting a hickey right under his ear and Jaemin keeps brushing his teeth by memory. Not seeing Jeno right in the morning makes the whole thing seem more like a crazy vivid dream he’s had, tasting drooling mint foam the longer he keeps moving his pink brush.

He eventually wakes up as he keeps cleaning, grabs two empty glasses from Jeno’s nightstand he always forgets and stares too long at the fridge, tired and with a fluttering heartbeat. Jaemin would like a nice distraction, maybe stop by the library and if he’s not busy with Renjun, albeit he’d spill everything to him as soon as he sees his best friend. It’s still unsure, Jeno said he was serious but you say lots of weird things when you’re horny and you want your partner to move.

He slams his head against the fridge around two hours later, missing Jeno opening the door and staring at his dramatic self from the kitchen door.

And oh, Jeno looks dazzling. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and tight ripped pants, everything he never wears and Jaemin has a feeling Jeno is aware he looks good. They don’t say anything, the other gives him a soft wrinkling of his eyes and takes a seat at the table, typing on his phone before he leaves it on the beaten wood.

“Hey”. Jaemin manages, trying to get it together. Why is he so nervous? 

“Hi”. Jeno gets up, moves closer to Jaemin but it’s only to reach the cupboard, taking a glass and water from the counter. 

He quickly glances at him, and Jaemin is sure that the slightly pink color of his cheek is him blushing. Jaemin understands, he’s trying to think how to move, what to say and it’s so unnatural when they’re used to spit out everything that comes to their mind.

“It’s different”. Jaemin awkwardly gestures at him. “I mean the outfit”.

“Yeah”. Jeno looks at him through his glass of water, tongue to the corner of his mouth to catch a drop. “My neck is kind of indecent to see at this hour of the day”.

Jaemin laughs, a short and airy one before he tilts his head and presses his lips. “You look good”.

Jeno holds his shoulder blades, fingers tapping gently as they press closer, Jaemin’s hands on his waist. He can shape his palms around it, covered by the fitting black fabric as Jeno hooks his chin to his shoulder. They hug for a few long seconds before Jeno grabs his glass again, a finger tracing the border of it as he presses his back to the counter.

Jaemin drops his gaze, bitten lips and unsure until Jeno looks up, biting the inside of his cheek. “I need to leave in ten minutes, do you want me to make you something for lunch?”.

Jeno shakes his head, smile creeping in his already glinting eyes. He’s mesmerizing, black hair parted in the middle and his palms pressing to the counter as he mildly leans forward.

“It’s cold, dress warmly”. Jeno pursues his lips, arching his spine to stretch as he gives him a very mellow smile. “Or you could stay here with me, this apartment is small so it warms up fast”.

Jeno doesn’t hesitate to hold Jaemin closer by his hips when he makes a step his way, closing his eyes lovingly when Jaemin presses a careful long peck at his jaw, cold hands from the freezing air outside under Jaemin’s shirt. 

“So you want me to fail academically just because you dressed up all nice to bribe me?”.

“That’s the plan”. Jeno grins as he leans his head back for Jaemin to keep kissing him down his neck, fingers stretching the high neck fabric down to bite a stripe of covered skin. “And skipping one class won’t kill you”.

“Tempting”. Jaemin almost gives in when Jeno’s fingers graze his nipples, biting the black haired boy’s bottom lip and Jeno watches him betrayed, catching his tongue barely touching his lips to kiss him and Jaemin backs away. “But I need to go”.

Jeno makes a playful disappointed sigh, eyes turning in the most adorable shape as he pouts. Jaemin is more than entertained, shaking his head when Jeno grabs his shirt to kiss him. And it’s such a pretty kiss, the right kind of languid and just tongues twirling and making them out of breath. Jaemin slides a thumb on Jeno’s high cheekbone before he detaches, already missing the warmth Jeno actually promised him.

“Seriously?”.

“I have an important meeting for my thesis”. Jaemin swings their hands together. They’re soft and Jaemin feels good, somehow making him more scared than if the other completely ignored him instead. “I’m sorry”.

“Ah, Jaem, it’s okay”. Jeno moves a hand dismissively, turning dramatically to the stove. “So it means I really have to make my own lunch, huh”.

Jaemin laughs, looking up at the ceiling for a divine intervention. Jeno really is something else, and he knew right from the start of their petty fights. It wouldn't have been as fun if Jeno wasn't exactly the right kind of insane to answer back with more creative plans to annoy the other.

“If you didn’t lose time to smooch me I could have made you something quick”.

Jeno frowns, turning back to Jaemin as he looks down at his slippers after a few seconds, sheepish. “I was making sure we’re okay after yesterday”.

Jaemin’s face falls into a reassuring one, cupping Jeno’s cheek. “Are you happy? That’s all I need to know, then we can figure everything else out later”.

“I am”. Jeno gives him a peck, hugs him another time. “Now go, I’ll order take out”.

“You’d be broke without me, since our first year”.

Jeno squeezes his eyes in a funny grimace, fixing Jaemin’s shirt. Always fumbling with his fingers to do something. “I hate that this time you’re right”.

Jeno finds a job. All out of the courtesy of Doyoung, who’s a good friend of the owner of the closest coffee shop to their university area and suggested Jeno when the woman called Joy by everyone admitted she needed more staff. It's a part time job, and they're nice to give him a proper working schedule according to his lectures. 

Jaemin is a bit worried, he really sees Jeno only at night now, and the boy does look distraught. He’s happy for whatever undefined they have, it gives him a freedom he didn't have before. Purposely feeds him decent food, most times does the tasks supposed to be Jeno’s and tonight he just enjoys the warm weight of Jeno on his lap, hands roaming in a vague message under his shirt that have Jeno curl to his body with some sweet sighs.

Jeno latches his arms around Jaemin's neck, head thrown over his shoulder and shifts closer, sitting at their terribly uncomfortable consumed couch. There's goosebumps under his fingers and a shiver that makes Jeno’s hips jerk against him in a breathy noise. 

“It's nice”. Jeno whispers, fingers disappearing in Jaemin’s hair as he leaves a wet kiss on his neck. Jaemin mindlessly watches colors and disconnects from the voices coming from their tv, only taking in Jeno’s quick heartbeat. Jeno pulls the hem of his own shirt and looks at him. “Take it off for me?”.

“You look very tired, Jeno”. Jaemin reminds him as he kisses his exposed collarbones indulging his request, watching Jeno’s heavy eyelids and thick lashes closing the beautiful dark brown color. “Why are you busying yourself with work now out of all times?”.

“Reasons''. Jeno keeps Jaemin’s lips and attention to his chest by pressing his slim fingers around his nape, finding a hand on his hip to intertwine. Jaemin finds Jeno smiling, looking cold with all the shivers shaking his body as he takes Jaemin’s shirt off.

Jaemin shakes his head, stroking Jeno’s face and the faint mole under his nose. He likes to touch Jeno, to memorize him like no one else has the time to. Jaemin is the only one who sees him this way and in no rush, who takes him in slowly without disappearing after the temporary searching of meaningless closeness. It gives him a sort of speeding of his heartbeat.

“I know. I’m not sure I have the strength to do anything tonight”. Jeno chuckles, feels Jaemin’s muscles of his arms and despite them being leaner in volume than Jeno’s they're still firm. “Unless you're into that”.

“Shut up”. Jaemin laughs and throws his head back. “We still need to talk about your kinks, darling, I’ve noticed a few of those”.

Jeno reaches closer, looking at him with a comical glint in his eyes. “What? No way, I don't have those”.

“Are you sure?”. Jaemin caresses Jeno’s face, careful eyes setting on him when he reaches his neck and circles his hand around it, thumb slightly pressing to his throat and the other’s breath itches in such a satisfying proof of his words. “Because you seemed to really enjoy it when I did this”.

Jaemin lets go of his hold, slightly aroused by Jeno’s open and heavier gaze. He shyly presses his head to his chest, and Jaemin is surprised to watch him holding his hand and putting it back there, rocking his hips against Jaemin’s. 

“So you do like it”. 

Jeno only makes a sound in response, palms pressed to his stomach. 

“When you tighten the hold it amplifies everything, I don't know how to explain it’s just good”.

“You don't have to” . Jaemin plays a little with it, wary to test how tighter he can hold Jeno’s neck and Jeno by now is dry humping him, looking for his lips and gasps out of breath.

Jaemin almost panics but Jeno kisses him so eagerly he lets go of their little experiment and just soothes his throat, loose hold and both allured. 

“Maybe we can have a couch fling, mh?”. Jeno unzips Jaemin’s pants and he stops the boy, narrowing his eyes.

“You have work tomorrow”. Jaemin pouts reasonably, following Jeno’s curious stare. Maybe he’s a bit displeased by Jeno calling it a fling, but he won't say it and ruin the mood.

“Then don't tease me”. Jeno pouts back, closing his eyes when Jaemin pecks his cheek.

Jaemin ends up blowing Jeno on his bed, to which the other widely complains because he wants to do something back but Jaemin convinces him it's a good compromise. It’s definitely cleaner, more relaxing and he loves to see Jeno sprawled on the sheets with overworked breaths. 

His heart clenches as he looks at Jeno sleeping soundly later, knocked out almost smashed to each other because their beds are small, with a loose fist around his thin shirt. 

Jaemin’s brain won't shut up, reminding him they need to talk it out. Jeno said he's serious, and Jaemin is growing sure he wants more from this one peaceful boy breathing burning air to his skin. Maybe he was joking, calling them a fling, and he's too emotional for unsaid reasons.

Jaemin finds it hard to let go of Jeno, hugging him closer to sleep.

It is a few days later that Renjun keeps giving him a look he hates. They took a seat at the coffee shop Jeno works at after their classes, as they’ve been doing long before that. His best friend raises his eyebrows impossibly high and it frustrates Jaemin who just wants to sip his overly sweet hot chocolate with whipped cream, not being observed like some kind of rare species at the zoo.

“You’re so weird recently”. He says, his platinum and purple hair color reflecting the colorful christmas lights that are still in the shop since December. They’re pretty and no one minds them, Jaemin finds them endearing. He likes sparkly things, exactly like Jeno’s eyes are as he walks to their table, still in his working apron and stands next to Jaemin.

Jaemin looks up, one palm holding his cheek and listens to him and Renjun talking about something, only registering the low and calming voice of Jeno. He smooths down his pastel orange apron, of the same color as the sign outside the shop, hand hanging low at the table’s height. It’s really mindless, Jaemin catches his hand and Jeno plays with his fingers, withdrawing it when Renjun looks at their linked hands, breaking the moment.

“Oh, right, Mark told me you were at his place the other day”. Renjun says looking over Jaemin. The bastard, a very smart one because he catches him tensing up on the spot, albeit he already understands what his friend's intentions.

Jeno seems uneasy, looking over the counter to see if there’s a client he can escape to, probably. “Yeah, he helped me with something”.

He looks down to Jaemin but he says nothing, a clipped smile and looks down at his cold chocolate, creating a dense layer mixed with the cream white. Jaemin would be fine if Jeno doesn’t have that guilty look fixed on his face, and wonders if it means anything. Jeno is not his, erasing all the pretty words he might have said to arouse Jaemin, he has no right to sulk about Jeno going out with his friend - their friend.

Jeno wouldn’t be jealous of seeing him with Mark. He also considers Jaemin never slept with Mark, while the other two have some history and it stresses his poor stretching brain to find inner peace. Jeno gets called back to work and that is the brief end of that torturing minute of awkwardness, turning angrier than he can control to Renjun.

“Why?”. He asks irritated, his head shooting to the window’s direction, looking outside.

“You tell me”. Renjun sighs, half green tea in his transparent cup. “You two are insufferable these days”.

And of course a tense minute in a coffee shop turns into an unbearable silence when Jeno comes back home, particularly later than usual. Jaemin is in his bed, lightbulb on his nightstand glowing pale yellow and casting shadows when Jeno is changing to his house clothes, bare back and muscles showing off with each movement. Jaemin wants to cry.

He’s not sure why, slowly turning crazy and he hates how a word or new information about Jeno’s life without him drives him to the brink of tears. Jaemin likes large spaces, where nothing or no one can define him or put him in a box, yet this time he longs for a term, a name, something that can define what they are. 

He watches Jeno sink next to him on the bed, shifts against the wall to give him space. They’re pressed to each other anyway, and Jaemin helps the blanket to cover him. Jeno sighs, licks his lips nervously and stays quiet for a few minutes, Jaemin is not sure how long it’s been.

“I enrolled for a master degree, I got the papers today. Mark helped me do it because I was lost and kind of did it last minute”.

“I thought you didn’t want to”. Jaemin murmurs, looking at Jeno’s side profile swallowed with the faint lights of their bedroom. “And you don’t have to justify yourself for me”.

Jaemin is relieved and worried at the same time, watching Jeno turn to one side and holding his cheek.

“A lot can change in three years”. Jeno smiles, twitching his nose in a brief wrinkling, their foreheads meeting. 

Jaemin smiles back, pulling Jeno closer to kiss him, making sure they’re okay. He’s going to graduate in less than five months, these apartments are for students only and it’s too soon to figure how Jeno feels about their future threatening more to change all they have at the moment. Jaemin always manages through a change of routine, likes the unpredictable but Jeno is a neat person, one that writes everything down and follows specific time routes to do tasks. 

Jeno almost falls off the bed, giggling when Jaemin catches him with wide eyes. He lays on top of him, pecks all over his face as Jaemin looks for his hand to hold. He doesn’t know what they are, although for Jaemin this is a peak of intimacy. He anticipates sitting down at the end of the day to listen to Jeno’s details of his life, likes his rambling about customers that said or did something specific that day at work and is content to have the boy close to him. 

They’re both very aware they’re only seeing each other, Jaemin found himself saying he was taken when a girl asked him out a few days ago. Voices spread quickly when you’re someone who’s known for being carefree and down for fun and no feelings, and maybe that’s why Renjun pulled out that weird reaction at the coffee shop. No one knows who Jaemin is dating, and honestly, he said it impulsively. He’s still doubting Jeno would be okay with it.

“I hate this bed so much”. Groans Jaemin, trying to move them in a comfortable position, circling one of Jeno’s legs around his waist caught in a twisting of bed sheets and blankets making him sweat.

“What if we join them together?”. Jeno turns where his bed is, untouched and tidy. “Our neighbors will kill us for the noise but at least you won’t wake up with that cracking neck of yours”.

“Are you calling me old?”.

“Yeah”. Jeno straddles him, arching his back as he leans and lingers his lips to his neck. “I always wake up all fresh”.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, playfully pushing him. “That’s because I get uncomfortable letting you sleep”.

“Oh what a prince charmer, save it for another day”. Jaemin looks at him puzzled as Jeno stands up, starting to move his bed closer. 

It takes a while, they need to move their nightstands and technically they’re not allowed to move furniture, trying to be quiet avoiding someone to come and check what the hell they’re doing at this hour of the night. Jeno says he misses fighting with Jaemin and he takes it literally, starting a fake battle that ends up with Jaemin against the wardrobe with a dull sound that’s definitely too loud for them trying to be quiet and arms sneaking around Jeno to kiss him.

Jaemin soaks Jeno’s presence, the only moment where he can easily shut his mind and only focus on the sound of their lips moving, the low sweet voice making noises only meant for their crumpled university apartment to witness.

The morning of Jeno’s birthday Jaemin wakes up to the celebrating boy drawing patterns to his stomach, staring at him expectantly when he opens his eyes. Jaemin finds surprise parties the most painful thing to organize so he already told Jeno they’re inviting their friends and he’ll try to bake a cake for him the day before.

“Happy birthday”. He croaks, his hand on top of Jeno’s colder one, bringing it up to kiss the back of it. “Make a wish”.

“Shouldn’t I have a candle to blow for that?”.

Jaemin winks and glances down at his body. Jeno gapes stupidly and pushes an open palm to his face, making him laugh abandoned to his side of the bed too sleepy to move. It’s still uncomfortable and the beds tend to split during the night, better than nothing they figure. It’s been weeks of them sleeping together, Jaemin doesn’t question it anymore. 

“And people have the guts to say you're amazing in bed with your words”. 

“I’m serious, if there’s anything you want as a birthday gift I’ll try to give it to you”.

Jeno blinks at him, straddling his lap Jaemin truly doesn’t question it anymore and brings the messy sheets with him. Morning light and Jeno’s body glinting under it is such a view. He looks through the room, avoiding Jaemin’s gaze as he keeps his hands to his stomach, spreading his fingers there to stroke his skin.

It’s a good day outside, and it would be nice to bring Jeno out for breakfast, do something different and not be detained in their apartment’s walls.

“So?”. Jaemin opens his arms for Jeno when he lays on his chest, clinging like a heavy cat. He doesn't mind, Jaemin loves to get the most of it.

“The breakfast date you mentioned yesterday sounds really good”.

Jaemin can tell someone is already gossiping, looking over he and Jeno sharing a big slice of a chocolate cake at the coffee shop Jeno works at. Doyoung says breakfast it's on the house and writes a colorful birthday card when he brings their food to the table.

Jeno’s cheeks are warm, disappearing in a pink hoodie and thick glasses hiding his eyes smeared with sleep. It's his favorite look on him, the most relaxed and natural Jeno can get and it warms Jaemin’s heart if the boy can act so freely around him, currently yawning passionately he’s afraid Jeno is going to dislocate his jaw. That's all he wants.

Well, it's probably a lie. Jaemin wants a lot more, a security that what they are will stay even once he graduates. That's a lot to ask, he knows.

Jaemin leans his hand to clean the corner of Jeno’s mouth with his thumb, absolutely not on purpose as he licks the chocolate remnants from his finger. Jeno gives him one of his bright smiles, looking down and biting his lips. He follows Jeno’s gaze in an unsaid question and Jeno moves his hand in dismissal, taking a sip of his smoothie. 

“Nothing, you're just-”. Jeno blushes, and it makes his stomach twist with something awfully similar to affection. “Thank you, Nana”.

“Nana?”. 

“That's how I call you whenever I have to mention your name to my family or the guys. It's shorter”. 

“It's pretty”. Jaemin ends up tracing Jeno's knuckles noticing he’s been keeping his hand in the middle of the table where Jaemin can reach, and from the boy's reaction he can tell he was meant to notice at some point. “I like Nana”.

They - Renjun, Donghyuck and Mark, ordered another cake from the shop just in case Jaemin’s one turns out hideous, since he never really baked. Jaemin happily walks to the counter, wallet in hand and Jeno picking up his jacket, dressing up with his endless layers. It's still cold, hopefully these days of sun will start to warm the weather.

Doyoung gives him a look as he closes the cake in a pink box, turning into his gentle eyes as Jaemin pays.

“You really like him, don't you?”.

“I realized how obvious I am, yeah”. Jaemin chuckles, removing his card when the payment gets accepted. “Sorry for causing a scene back then, I hope you can understand me”.

“Don't hold it back”. They both turn to Jeno, giving them a smile after waving at someone he was talking to, probably a girl from his lectures. “I have a feeling it’ll go well”.

Jaemin takes the box, presses his lips together in a small lifting. He doesn't say anything, he still feels embarrassed from everything Doyoung had to see. Jeno told him he apologized hundreds of times already because he went very skittish that day when Jaemin disappeared. Apparently Doyoung has been very nice despite the situation, and he’s thankful for helping Jeno calm down when most would have gotten angry at him.

“Seeing you two go well along is a fever dream”. Says Donghyuck with his face covered in flying balloons he’s keeping all together in his hands, entering in the kitchen at its full capacity now they’re all pressed there.

He walked into Jeno trying to bite a sandwich from Jaemin’s hands and the other complaining he should at least wait for the guests to arrive. Jeno was making a speech about being his birthday and his first day as a 23 years old man so he has the privilege to start eating before the guests.

They left the door open, already heard knocking at their door but they were caught up in meaningless bickering. Jisung flinches once one of the balloons gets too close to his face, making Chenle laugh extremely loudly at it. It’s a small gathering, the main reason being the lack of space - they decided to get drinks and dance at a club later, fill their stomachs well to survive all the shots they’re going to offer Jeno alone or together.

Jaemin’s cake turns out to be at the thinnest line of indecency. It looks terrible, but at least they all agree it tastes good. Jeno opens his presents as Jaemin takes advantage of everyone circling the table to wash some plates, winking the black haired boy’s way when he looks at him, noticing he’s the only one without a seat.

Mark gives him some magnets shaped as the sun, moon, rainy clouds and an umbrella to attach to a whiteboard. It’s adorable and Jeno looks so happy, Jaemin resting his back against the counter and smiles at his excitement. Of course Donghyuck - and Renjun who clarifies it was his boyfriend’s idea, their gift is some very fancy dress shirts, and a pack of condoms that has Jeno blinking in disbelief at the two.

“The shirts to impress, and those are for action”. Renjun teases and subtly looks at Jaemin. He makes a tiny scoff, arms folded and only focuses on Jeno getting shy before he gets saved by Jisung and Chenle’s present.

Chenle was supposed to be here only for an year as an exchange student. He decided to stay and conclude his studies in Seoul, even if they all know he’s got particularly close to Jisung making it hard to leave for him. They’re all friends and Jaemin thinks this is the first time they actually organize something all together.

As Jeno is opening his last gift, Donghyuck’s drink spills on Renjun’s shirt, a white button down now covered in grape juice. He makes the ‘I’m so going to strangle you’ face to his boyfriend but it’s an ounce softer than the one he gives Jaemin when he does something wrong. Renjun pats uselessly a wet napkin there, Jaemin grabbing his wrist to change.

He can lend one of his shirts to Renjun, they’re probably too big for his thin frame but they figure it’s better than to walk to a club with a stained shirt. Jaemin forgets, the reality of what his life now is right in front of Renjun’s suspicious eyes at the two beds joined in the middle of the room.

Jaemin threads a hand in his caramel hair in distress, clearing his throat before he moves to the wardrobe. He’s aware he didn’t have the time to clean and there’s so much he can’t hide. One double bed blanket and sheets because they both got annoyed at the single bed ones after a few days of sleeping together, still wrinkly from the morning and on top of Jeno’s nightstand, the worst proof of them all. Turns out their second gift to Jeno is quite on spot, where there’s the empty package of a condom still lingering there.

“I’m sorry it’ll probably fit loosely”. Jaemin opens one of his best looking shirts, black silk and presses it to Renjun’s chest. “This will do, isn’t it on trend to wear oversized things? I can wash the shirt for you-”.

“You’re rambling”. Renjun makes a brief laugh, taking the shirt from his hands. “It’s not a big deal, Jaemin. Why are you so nervous?”.

Jaemin doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing he can blurt out to excuse all Renjun can watch with his own eyes right in his room. Renjun furrows his eyebrows, an uncertain glance at him.

“Knowing you, you’d be this nervous only if you actually have-”. Renjun gapes, slapping Jaemin’s arms and he whines from the unexpected pain. “You like Jeno!”.

Jaemin shushes him, pressing a palm to his mouth, Renjun licking it and he removes it with another whine, this time grimacing. His best friend keeps slapping him, eyes a lot more lively than before. “Oh my god, I never thought I’d see you having a crush, that’s so fun”.

“Quiet! These walls are thin”. Whispers - screams Jaemin, fumbling nervously his arms in the air, falling on his bed with a sigh once Renjun starts changing his shirt. His lips move in a variety of shapes as he adjusts Jaemin’s bigger shirt in front of the mirror, tucking it in his high waisted jeans, fixing the belt back.

“Well”. Renjun lays next to him, pointing his bony elbow in his hip. “Are you going to do something about it?”.

The friendly club they always go to is regularly particularly colorful and dizzy, and tonight they’re attending later there’s already a crowd of pressed bodies enjoying their nights to the low sound of music rumbling in Jaemin’s chest as he walks inside. A welcoming hug, a safe space for people like them.

He doesn’t mind humid and smoky air, singing an out of tune birthday song to Jeno as they stand by the counter, a young looking barman laughing at their loud group preparing a few shots for the birthday boy - wearing a ridiculous party hat with a ‘23’ drawn with a marker before going out.

Jaemin takes a few shots. He starts with tequila, lemon and salt, his favorite combination since he was old enough to drink. It’s not as strong as the vodka Mark chugs down for the sake of being drunk but Jaemin genuinely enjoys drinking and testing out different flavors and combinations.

So after a few really good shots called ‘blow job’ that have Chenle laugh for about a whole minute before he can drink it with them, Jaemin eyes the next ones with burning lips and grows tipsy under his friends’ eyes. The barman has taken a sort of entertainment with their drinking plans for the night, and after a share of what Jaemin likes he takes out different fruity combinations, paying another set for Jeno.

Jeno smiles at him when they toast with the first one, staring at the other as they swallow down. Jaemin’s body is starting to heat up with all the alcohol in his circulation, fanning himself and blowing air out of his glossy lips. 

Somehow the attention on them - particularly Renjun’s, is faltered with a song their friends like, and Chenle drags them to the dance hall. He wants to bring Jeno and Jaemin as well, but they show him the unfinished drinks they still have on their occupied space of the counter. Chenle seems to understand, throwing an arm around Mark and struggling to reach the other one to Jisung’s taller frame.

“Are you having fun?”. Jaemin says loudly enough to be heard, Jeno pressing close to his ear. He doesn’t say anything, watches drops of sweat on their bodies and before he knows Jeno is unbuttoning a few more slots of his shirt, down to a very significant exposure of his chest.

He laughs, taking Jeno’s hands in his and tilts his head towards the drinks, both taking a seat at the stools because they need it at this point. The friendly barman - Ten, he thinks his name is, gives him a cheeky smile and suggests they do body shots off each other. Jaemin laughs and high fives the man at how flustered Jeno gets, still he eyes down to his chest and almost accepts.

Jaemin lets him be clingy, no one cares, not even their friends if he thinks about it. And they might be drunk and more stupid than any other hour of the day, though Jeno always holds his hand in public, gives him affection for everyone to see and for tonight he thinks it’s not so wrong or fearful of consequences if Jeno comes closer.

Once they finish their drinks Jeno is on his lap and pushing the last shot that’s supposed to be his to Jaemin’s lips, sweet eyes on display. They have a funny bickering about who should drink the last one that has Ten laugh at them, taking back the finished ones to clean.

They don’t really join their friends, staying close to them but not enough to notice or involving them in their dancing mess. Jeno threads fingers in his hair, by habit, and Jaemin does circle his arms around the boy’s waist; like they’ve done thousands of times alone. 

Drunk Jeno is clingy, Jaemin takes note, not really dancing and Jaemin does get his hands under his shirt as he likes, sliding Jeno’s lean body, pressing him close by his lower back and he doesn’t need to when Jeno is already all over him. Their noses bump together, hot hair smelling of so much fruit Jaemin can barely recognize the cherry fragrance melting on his lips when they’re impossibly close, foreheads touching and eyes slurring slow blinks.

“Do you really care if they see us?”. Says Jeno, easy smile and Jaemin follows it, shaking his head.

“I really don’t”. He closes his eyes at Jeno’s tongue breaking through his lips, open and willingly meeting each sloppy movement, a sweet exhale from Jeno that sounds more like a sigh of relief, Jaemin’s heartbeat losing control in his chest with each wave of pleasure his stomach does.

Jaemin is lost in those touches, Jeno’s small whines right against his mouth and disappearing with the music, one of his hands grabbing the open lemb of his shirt, hooking fingers to touch his skin, sticky with humidity. Jeno tastes good, familiar, taking all of his breath away.

Jaemin opens one eye recognizing Donghyuck screaming, more cheering wildly at them making out. Their friends start whistling and he hears Mark screaming something stupid along the lines of “Look at these two sexy bastards!”, hearing Renjun laughing and making another very loud noise and dumb compliments.

Jaemin makes sure to give them his middle finger, tongue still busy answering with Jeno’s same purpose and impatient kisses. His hand gets stolen by said boy again, pulling it back under his shirt and Jaemin starts laughing on his lips, pinching his side. And he keeps laughing when Jeno takes out his gifted condoms once they’re back home, proudly moving Jaemin’s fingers away to be the one opening the box.

“We actually were out of these”. Jaemin hisses when Jeno bottoms quickly, puffing as he keeps riding him, a fast pace and unsatisfied. He looks at the boy as he pulls out, following him and taking Jeno by his hips as he lays on his stomach to the bed, glancing back at Jaemin so sinfully his stomach drops.

“I usually like facing you, but tonight I kinda”. He arches his back, hitting Jaemin’s crotch in the meanwhile, already touching himself and the way Jaemin stumbles on his knees is definitely not for the alcohol. “Wanna go fast”.

“Fuck, yeah, okay”. Jaemin takes a breath, stroking Jeno’s length instead of leaving him to do it alone, kissing his nape. “Sure we can do that, baby. Anything you want”.

“Nana?”. Jeno moans, voice husky and shakes him up, making a questioning noise for him to continue. “Can you also keep your hands around my neck? You know how I like it”.

Jaemin is losing his mind. Jeno is witty, most definitely can tackle him down with strength and seeing him pliant letting Jaemin do anything to him isn’t helping his tipsy brain already wanting Jeno since the start of the day. 

Jaemin does everything Jeno asks; it’s the boy’s birthday, he wants to please him at his best and give him a nice memory of the night, sure the boy is already happy. He’s seen him laugh a lot tonight, his wide smile and eyes closing with happiness is the best look on him, and Jaemin is so fond of it.

He goes faster when Jeno asks it, a bit out of breath from the hold around his neck and Jaemin repeats he can tell him to stop whenever it gets too much, but Jeno seems so into it. Eyes shut, high gasps and his fists tightening around the sheets is something so intimate it makes Jaemin wonder if he’d do it with anyone else, really. Probably not, he answers himself as he soothes Jeno’s arching spine finding sweat pooling in the curve of it, both close.

Jaemin comes out of the shower, drying his hair with a towel messily, slipping a fresh pair of boxers and watching Jeno sitting on the bed, pushing his phone to the side as he spots Jaemin back in the room and gestures for him to come closer. Jeno parts his legs for Jaemin to sit in between, pressing his back to Jeno’s chest and all the bare skin, showergel fragrance and his wet hair tickling Jeno’s neck makes him think words he probably doesn’t truly mean yet. Or maybe he does, have been for long.

Jaemin feels it in the air between them, somehow thicker than usual and floating with the pale lights of their bedroom, wetting his dry lips and staring at the plain wall in front of them. He turns his head to the side, cheek meeting Jeno’s heartbeat. 

“I like you so much Jeno, I hope you know”.

Jaemin feels a gentle kiss at his temple, closing his eyes at the small hum Jeno does.

It’s around three weeks later when questions start to be asked. It starts with their friends, curious if their eventful make out at Jeno’s birthday means something and they’re now official. He can be truthful with his friends, and has admitted - of course when the other isn’t around, that his feelings for Jeno are becoming serious, and troubling if he’s honest. It’s painfully inconvenient when it’s some of his old flings or someone who tells him it’s too bad he’s dating Jeno because they were planning to ask him out, and in those moments he really wants to be sure if they’re more than roommates who act like a couple but aren’t.

He just shrugs his shoulders and apologizes. Jaemin never confirmed anything, unless to himself being clear he’s not planning on sleeping with anyone else who isn’t the boy now dipping his nose into a book, as if he wants to be one with the thick pages.

Jaemin comes back home with his printed thesis, and he can’t wait to finish his last three exams before he can graduate. At the same time the red bound where the most work he’s ever done in his student's career is, weights heavy in his arms. It means moving forward, leaving this apartment without ever clearing things with Jeno. It means potentially sounding like an asshole for disappearing because Jaemin is procrastinating with the most important thing he has now.

“Is that the thesis?”. Jeno asks surprised, yeah, Jaemin is as well with all the hopeless drama he created in the last weeks, probably driving Jeno insane with him. The boy is still working on his thesis, albeit since he enrolled for a master degree he seems more relaxed and is taking it a bit slower. Jaemin is glad, because Jeno always juggles between work and classes he still doesn’t understand why he’s doing it to himself.

He’s been speaking about it with Renjun, assuming maybe Jeno’s family has been having trouble with money and he’s helping them. Jeno never tells Jaemin why he suddenly started working, and he’s been testing all possibilities, even the most absurd.

Jeno looks proud, warming Jaemin’s heart as he snuggles closer and flips through the pages. Jaemin’s smile fades, reminding there’s one thing he can’t hide from Jeno, and maybe it will be a good icebreaker to gather up some courage and speak.

“Sounds so interesting, they’ll love it”.

“My professor found me a job out of here, once I graduate”. He blurts out, quicker than his mouth filter and he’s scared to catch Jeno’s eyes. He does and he sees him scoffing a sweet smile, hugging him immediately.

“That’s great, Nana, I’m so proud of you”. Jeno’s voice is muffled by the press to his shoulder, and Jaemin hugs him with less enthusiasm, inhaling the softener they use from Jeno’s clothes. “Let me treat you to dinner, we have to celebrate”.

“Jeno”. Jaemin frames Jeno’s face instead, watching the other’s face fall in worry. He does a sad smile, tracing his thumb over his cheekbone. Jaemin doesn’t have a good feeling, and his heart already sinks before he can speak, blinking out his emotional self. “I need to move out soon, maybe you should start looking for a roommate. I can help you ask around”.

Jeno frowns. He wants to kiss it away, between his eyebrows and have him smile again. He hates seeing it. 

“The publishing firm is not so far, right?”. Jeno keeps hugging him, leans his face to Jaemin’s palm with a reassuring smile. “You’re not going to be far, it’s literally an hour from here”.

“How do you know?”.

“It was obvious he was going to offer you a job there, and my professor is friends with yours and he always talks about this one student from the sciences of communication faculty”. Jeno chuckles. “I figured quickly it is you”.

Jaemin doesn’t smile. He takes a deep breath, pressing a long kiss to Jeno’s lips he reciprocates, chaste and filled with his eyes trembling back to Jeno. He eventually needed to take it off his chest, just to make sure. Better late than never.

“What do you think about us? I wanted to ask, and I’ve been scared so I’m doing it now that it’s getting late”. Jaemin bites his lips, reddening with the scraping. “I’m sorry”.

Jeno doesn’t say anything, he keeps looking at him with the same beautiful glint he has and it’s almost insistent how he doesn’t lower his gaze once. He licks his lips the same time Jaemin bites his own, his arms on Jeno’s shoulders from where they were cupping his face. Jaemin knows what that face means - they’re scared, Jeno has never been in a serious relationship and for Jaemin it has been so long that it feels the first time.

“Give me a reason Jeno, give me a proper reason and I’m yours”. 

Jeno strokes his cheek, his freezing digits tickling his skin delicately, carefully.

“Do you know why I started working?”. He asks, and Jaemin shakes his head, lifting the corner of his lips in a mild smile.

“You never wanted to tell me”.

“I decided to get a job so I can move out with you once you graduate”.

“But that was so long ago”. Jaemin whispers, almost nauseous with how much his stomach turns with that painful pleasure all over him every time Jeno comes closer to him.

“Exactly, I was already sure of what I wanted. You always look like you’re about to say something, I was waiting for you to do it but hey, I like you too”. 

Jeno wants to kiss him but Jaemin stops him, looking bewildered. “Are you serious?”.

“Why wouldn’t I?”. Jeno takes his wrist and brings him to their bedroom, pointing at their bed. “Dude, I’ve been sleeping with you for more than two months, it’s pretty clear everyone else but we are aware we’re exclusive and haven’t been looking for anyone since we decided to scream at each other after you disappeared for hours and I find myself all the time being around you and I love it. Crazy of me, for sure, but Jaemin please”.

“Don’t call me dude ever again”. Jaemin grabs Jeno’s waist and kisses him, both smiling and it’s painful to have teeth clashing but they don’t care.

“What should I call you then? The asshole that used to cockblock me until I caught feelings for him?”. Jaemin laughs as he kisses down his neck, noticing the faster breathing of Jeno because he’s weak for hickeys. “Lover? The professional complainer I’m consciously living with again now that we’re supposed to part ways?”.

Jeno takes Jaemin’s shirt off, mapping lips down his chest and lower stomach, still laughing.

“Jesus, just call me boyfriend like every sane person does”.

“Fine, boyfriend”. Jeno stresses, unzipping his pants with a cheeky smile. “Do you want me to blow you or not?”.

Jaemin enjoys his soft jet black hair for a moment, fingers twirling and finding the locks of hair smoothly falling between the space of his fingers.

“I actually had in mind smooching on the couch watching a shitty movie and if it is that bad, maybe you can blow me”. Jaemin takes his hands and helps him up, Jeno smacking his lips together in a loud and salty sound.

“You suck at seducing men”.

“Worked just fine with you”.

Somewhere in Seoul, forgotten from any university area, there is an apartment where two boys are celebrating a work promotion and an exam passed with a perfect grade, moving in the kitchen busy with foaming pots where none of their bodies can hurt or bump accidentally against furniture for a lack of space.

Na Jaemin likes large spaces, and this one apartment is a strong upgrade from his first experience of living alone - not entirely lonely. This time, instead of feeling caged in labels he proudly talks gooey of his boyfriend at a dinner with their parents, Jeno relaxing next to him from the bundle of nerves he’s been all day and since they agreed on a date to meet their families.

Jaemin has a studio, one that slowly became Jeno’s as well. One works, the other studies there, a view of city life and skyscrapers reflecting sunsets and sunrises they often stop and stare together, maybe share a hug and some kisses under a life that barely feels his when he thinks about it.

Jeno is still the biggest fan of order and organization, albeit he’s learning to loosen up, especially with Jaemin. He is able to convince him often to let go, relax, and ropes him for a few more minutes of sleep in the morning when the other is about to shoot up and rush right after the first ringing of the alarm.

Jeno does the same, helps Jaemin to get back on track when he gets lost, brings him back to reality when he spaces out but still encourages Jaemin’s crazy projects and ideas with his same enthusiasm. Jeno loves when Jaemin is free, creative and never tries to fix or change him.

Jaemin harbours love more and more until one day it comes - it drips out of his mouth, easier than saying his lover’s name, easier than anything he’s ever done. Like he’s done it for a lifetime but it just verbally flies between them one morning after he’s woken up and there’s the prospect of a weekend for them to be unapologetically them. 

Jeno says it back.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! <3
> 
> you can find me here: [twitter](https://twitter.com/jen26do) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/ir02ne)


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